The Reason
by KellyJade
Summary: There are a million reasons why this whole thing should make her want to scream. But only one of them really matters.


Watched most recent episode of Lost Girl. Exploded with desire to write this. I love it and I hope it comes true (although, Disclaimer: Lost Girl is not even a little owned by me).

#sorryi'mnotsorrryyyyyyyyyy

xxx

Evony stands before a tall, full length mirror. Its frame is solid gold, ornate – forged verifiably ages ago by Fae who gave their lives for its existence.

Evony owns a lot of trinkets like this.

She rarely thinks of those who made her mirror, and she certainly is not thinking of them today. Her thin, pale fingertips trace her own collarbone – each finger inspecting a different small, red divot in her flesh. The marks were bleeding this morning, but they've stopped now. They simply lie there, in her skin. Marking her.

Evony's fingers trace the semi circular shape formed by the marks. The marks that are unmistakably made by teeth. She remembers some raised eyebrows this morning as she strode into her office after sleeping in a bed that was not her own. She supposes the occupants of her office are not completely used to any lover being able to mark her in this way.

In the past, there was never any lover worth it.

She wonders what in God's name is wrong with her.

She steps back from the mirror, deciding firmly that she will not wear a dress that covers up her collarbone. It would feel wrong to – the one who placed the marks there deserves to have them seen. Deserves to be the one who is able to know without question that Evony will come running if she is ever needed. Unconditionally.

The thought makes Evony sick. It makes her stomach churn, makes her throat fill with the taste of bile, makes her eyes burn and sting with anger. It is slowly killing her, and she hates the reason.

The reason is not that Lauren is human. No – however vehemently Evony expresses her feelings on humans, she can recognize that there are exceptional beings in every species. She could accept that. She could accept a human having this power over her.

It's not just that everyone knows, either. Because everyone does know – she is the Morrigan, she knows every topic on the tongues of the Dark. And the topic has been nothing but her tryst with the human doctor for months now. Since the first time the blonde's teeth grazed her pulse point at the top of her grand stair case during a ball. Since the first time that touch had Evony obediently and wordlessly following Lauren into her own bedroom mid-gala, with no care for the shocked stares of her guests.

But the reason Evony cannot stand – it's not that. She could accept everyone knowing. She couldn't care less about the trivial opinions of others. They don't matter. No one really matters, except for Lauren.

Evony pauses, still staring into her own intense gaze in her mirror. She knows that maybe, it's a bit that. It's a bit that nothing feels _real_ anymore, unless it's Lauren's touch. Lauren's lips. Lauren's strong arms pinning her down. Ever since the first time Lauren kissed her, Evony feels as though the rest of life is just a black and white movie playing in the background. The only colours that are real are the soft brown of Lauren's eyes. The blonde of her hair. The exact shade of pink that appears in her cheeks when Evony makes her come undone completely.

It's a little bit that, definitely. It's a little bit that paralyzing powerlessness that has been pulled over her life. But it's not that completely.

It's not that she's in love, either.

She knows that she is. She denied it to herself for a while, telling herself it was simply the thrill of something so novel, something so _different._ But the feeling when Lauren smiles against her lips in the dark, the feeling when lithe fingers trace her body, the feeling when she knows the doctor has just entered a room. It's not anything other than love. To assume so is more foolish than Evony can justify being.

But it's okay, being in love. It's not a weakness, not really. It shows depth, character. Evony doesn't mind. Being in love isn't the reason she wakes up every day hating every breath of air she inhales.

She finally tears her eyes away from her reflection in the mirror. She can't get lost in her own morose thoughts like this. She has to get ready.

Careful to not cover the fresh marks of Lauren's teeth on her neck, Evony dons a perfectly fit black dress, and a necklace adorned with a scarlet red ruby. As she does so, she thinks about how the ruby offsets the red marks that scar her perfectly.

The thought makes her want to tear out her own throat.

But she suppresses that. She swallows her blind rage, just like she has been doing for the past six months. Just like she has been doing ever since she came to terms with that one little fact that has been tearing her apart.

That one little reason.

It's not that Lauren is human. It's not that their affair is on the lips of every Fae she cares to name. It's not that Lauren is everything to her. It's not that Evony is in love.

"Hey."

The voice is soft, and Evony adores it. She turns to see the human doctor standing there, dressed in deep, deep blue, her blonde hair falling in soft curls to her shoulders.

Evony finds her voice, and it is at least steady – at least Lauren has left her that ability. "You're late," she drawls. The nonchalant quality of her own voice is laughable. The power in her tone is false, truly. Lauren holds that power now.

And the blonde knows it. A small half smile slides onto her face. "And here I thought you were the one who made the rules." She takes one step forward, and her eyes sparkle. "I was thinking you could push the party's start time a little."

Evony is on her back before she knows it, wrapped around Lauren's waist, gasping in pleasure. The hot wetness of Lauren's kisses trace the deep marks of the blonde's own teeth from earlier that morning, and then she bites softly down again, evoking a hiss of pain from Evony.

The pain is soon forgotten as the now-Dark doctor's mouth moves lower.

But one thing is not forgotten. One thing is never forgotten. And that is the fact that Evony has known since the beginning and cannot ignore, the reason that she is so undeniably, irrevocably screwed.

It is because even as Lauren makes love to her this second, Evony knows it is all an act. She knows that Lauren does what she does only to gather information, only to further hatch some well thought out scheme.

Evony is absolutely powerless to this woman.

And Lauren will never feel the same way.

And that is something that breaks Evony's heart every minute of every day.


End file.
